Monday, June 30, 2008

Review: Katy Perry - One of the Boys

A few weeks ago a slew of Facebook statuses came at me, mostly themed "I kissed a girl, and I liked it." Being the person who is completely oblivious to most pop music that I am, I just thought a large group of girls spontaneously experimented with their sexuality and was thinking "Good for them." Little did I know, a new scourge has reached the music scene the likes of which hasn't been seen since TaTu. That scourge goes by the name "Katy Perry".





The Long and the Short of It: Musically this album is like Avril Lavigne and Kelly Clarkson scissored each other and shit out an album. Lyric wise, a minefield of clich├ęs and gender stereotypes. Avoid at all costs if you value either good music and lyrics, or you hate heterosexism.

Full Review: OK, let's start out with what we have before we listen to the album. First off, Katy Perry is the daughter of two gospel singers who "went bad" after listening to Queen. Obviously this first taste of Freddy Mercury gave the heathen sodomites a firm grip on young Katy's soul, as she produced this album full of the glorification of the HOMOSEXUAL AGENDA!

Well, that's what some people would think, but once you listen to what it says, you would think otherwise. Starting off with the name "One of the Boys", you'd think that she was experiencing some gender confusion, but this is offset with the album art, which looks like someone was trying to do something John Waters-esque, but failing horribly. From the cover you think "Hmmm... maybe this will have a redeeming kitsch factor." If only my friends, if only.

Starting with the music: Ok, I am going to ignore the three songs which I feel mainly display my hatred for this album, and just go with the overall feel. As noted, this album sounds like Avril Lavigne and Kelly Clarkson had a baby and this was it. Honestly, the voices sound like those artists were merged and there are electronic noises vis-a-vis "Since You've Been Gone" and tons of crappy guitar rifts. The lyrics are juvenile, at best: "We lost our fake ideas" and "You're not a man you're a mannequin." I honestly can't tell what age bracket Perry is trying to identify with as in some songs she talks about seeing boys at school and in others having men stay over, which is it Perry? Are you legal or not! So, the most of the album is the usual crapastiche of pop albums, both in lyrics and music.

But there are three songs that stand out above the others: "One of the Boys", "I Kissed a Girl", and "UR So Gay." Let's go in reverse order, shall we?

"UR So Gay": This song is just offensive to me. Period. First off, she sounds like a high school boy, talking about how someone is gay just because they are interested in fashion, good music, and vegetarian. Saying: "You're so gay and you don't even like boys." Thus, saying that "to be gay" one must do certain things. The entire song is just a list of stereotypes, ended with the line, giggled out like the immature bitch she is: "You're so gay and you don't even like.... *giggle* penis! *giggle*" Really, we can't use big girl words? Funny enough, it is followed by a song ("Hot 'n' Cold") that I can imagine a hundred twinky queers dancing around to.

"I Kissed a Girl": This song is a cover, the other version is slightly better, only slightly. But the original video has Fabio, so *barf*. There isn't much to say about this song other than it is currently number 1 on iTunes and that makes me sad. This song is just another TaTu shock thing, "OMG DID SHE SAY "I KISSED A GIRL"???!!!???!!!" It only shocks straights and makes lesbians too stupid to realize that she is reaffirming heterosexuality get all hot and bothered. She constantly says "I hope my boyfriend doesn't mind," but you know she is implying that he would love to watch her bump va-jay-jays with the other girl.

Now, my least favorite song, "One of the Boys": The first song on the album starts hopeful when she describes how for her entire life she has gone against feminine stereotypes. As the song progresses, however, you learn that she wants to be "one of the girls" so she can attract a man. She goes on about how as she sexually matures she starts to give up boyish tendencies so she can attract a man and be a girl. This song frustrates me to no end. Honestly it makes me sick. Just like this album. Please, save yourself the agony and avoid avoid avoid!

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